Some Light in the Darkness...

"Saturday October 9, 2021:

Last night Mama Laurel and I went to Blue Moon. I didn’t know she had never been to a drag show! The host asked if it was anyone’s first time and I pointed to Laurel and they asked if there was any reason or anything we were celebrating and I said yeah and they asked what and I hesitated started to say it was personal and they said something like ummm are we not sure if we are celebrating? And I just let it out and said the end of chemo and the room burst into applause and screaming and I teared up because I was so overwhelmed plus I’ve never said anything about this journey out loud in a capacity like that. It was shocking to say it out loud and just I don’t even know how to explain it. It was awesome. A gentleman also stated he was a cancer researcher and bought us drinks. I loved the host and after asked to buy her a shot and the gentleman wouldn’t let me pay and bought all of us one. The Host was Magnolia AppleBottom and we clicked and made plans to hang out. I hope it happens because she seems awesome! It was such a wonderful night! I have gone out bald a few times now. The first time was when we went into the wig shop, second was the diner, and third was Wal-Mart yesterday. I am getting a little more comfortable with it. It’s nice wigs are just not my thing. I have tried 6 already that were all different kinds of natural hair and lace front but were all realistic and natural and they just do not feel like me. It’s not real. That is not my reality. The reality is, I’m bald. That is what is real.

October 13, 2021:

I FaceTimed with Sarah and Eli told me he wrote about me in school today. He was told to write about the things going through in his life and he wrote that his favorite person his old babysitter has cancer. I teared up. I love this kid more than life.

October 16, 2021:

Day one of going out bald was yesterday. I took sally to ocean city and a guy fist bumped me and said bald is beautiful. Day two of going out bald. I took Sally to a drag brunch in DC today and One of the drag queens stopped me while we were saying bye and said we have the same haircut and I said mine wasn’t by choice and she said me either! And we hugged and had a moment. It was so nice. It is very reassuring and encouraging to get these little nice comments.

October 20, 2021:

October 12 is when I got my mapping done for radiation. I go in today to line everything up and start radiation tomorrow. I am so nervous. I just hope and pray that I only have positive reactions to this and that I can be cancer free. The last couple of days have been hard. I have not been feeling the best and I left work last night barely halfway done with my shift. I just feel so gross, I’m nauseous and can’t eat, hot and cold sweats, I just feel so out of it. Similar to how I feel coming out of chemo. I guess this is how I’ll feel for a while until the poison is out of my body. Last night I was FaceTiming with Sarah and Eli showed me a butcher knife (foam) and told me it was part of his Halloween costume and he said he will be a Grim Reaper and asked what I am and I looked at him and said Bald! And we both started laughing and I said What do you think of my Halloween costume? He goes, Top notch 5 star! Should be at spirit! I am trying to just have the best sense of humor with all of this. It’s all I can do to keep from falling apart."