My Thoughts...

These blogs are raw, real, and unedited. Looking back at them brings up so many emotions, memories, and thoughts.

First and foremost, I want to thank my village. The ones who were hands-on and helped me in the worst of times: My Mom, Laurel, and Rachel who took care of me with each Chemo. Tamara who took me to every surgery and procedure without hesitation. My sister who did everything she could to support me and encourage me throughout my journey. Sally who was so worried about me but remained so strong and supportive. Sarah, Jason, Eli, and Judah who facetimed with me every step of the way and ensured I knew how loved I was. My cousins Bri and Ian who were so supportive and checked on me constantly even though they are across the country. Malynnda who made me an incredible chemo bag with activities and that amazing Chemo Mug I got to smash! My countless friends who checked on me continuously. I will also preface this with the fact that I did not tell anyone aside from this small group of individuals until after all of my treatment was completed, so many people who may have been there for me, did not have the chance and I will accept the resentment they may have. There are so many people I cherish and am so lucky to have in my life.

Secondly, I would like to reflect on the positives from this entire journey. I found my beauty with all my vanity stripped away. I found a new confidence within myself. I now live every day to the fullest and do not take anything for granted. I have learned to always put myself first and never let anyone take advantage of my kindness again. I now only let positivity around me and I am very quick to get rid of negative energy. I have a healthy relationship with food for the first time. I fell back in love with cooking (thank you Hello Fresh!).

Lastly, I want to thank all of you reading this and following my journey. I hope you can all find the positivity in the worst aspects of life. I hope you can find the vulnerability to allow your village in to help when you really need it. I sincerely hope you reach out to me with any questions or comments you may have. I will always be an open ear to listen and a safe space to let out anything on your mind. I want to help people. I want people to be happy and laugh and enjoy life. Life is truly what you make it, sometimes we just need a little guidance and the right tools.

I also want to make clear that I do have a new job and have removed myself from the toxic hell that tortured me during a time where I definitely didn't need any added stressors. At the same time, I wish them all the best. I believe in Karma and would rather not be present or know what Karma does to the individuals who decided to make fun of my cancer, bully me as I went through cancer, violated my HIPPA rights, and pretended to care.

To anyone that my blog may offend, the truth is not always pretty. I am not responsible for how you feel. However, I am always open to an honest and respectful conversation. I have no idea where this may go. If anyone wants Instagram lives or live Q&A sessions, I am absolutely open to it. I am an open book.

I am a firm believer of finding the BEAUTY in the UGLY.